


Competitive Warrior's Moon

by TopTierShit



Category: The Disaster Artist (2017), The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room - Greg Sestero & Tom Bissell, The Room (2003)
Genre: M/M, Memes, Nonsense, Screenplay/Script Format, Sequel, quality fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 02:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15451797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopTierShit/pseuds/TopTierShit
Summary: When the moon is full, Johnny is small and doesn't walk on two legs anymore. He'll need the help of his friends Mark, Lisa, Denny, and Chris R to get back on his feet in time to go jogging at golden gate park, all while juggling his romance between his wife-to-be Lisa and his best friend and bearded mistress, Mark. Also Johnny is vampires.





	1. ACT i SCENE 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is best when read aloud or better yet- performed with 4 other people.  it can be played without any age restriction, and will work if the chemistry between all the characters makes sense.  Human behavior and betrayal applies to all of us. It exists  within ourselves. You love somebody. Do you? What is love? You think you have everything, but you don't have anything. You have to have hope and spirit. Be an optimist. But can you handle all your human behavior or other's behavior? You don't want to be good, but great. 

( muffled voices shake towels of big hotel, then broken conversations are heard talking something crazy. scene goes to lisa smiling at her hand behind mark carrying a cup of chocolate)

mark:  
you know i don't believe you when you point to johnny for what you did. 

lisa:  
i don't care anymore now. Everybody wants me. I'm going to get everything covered with alligator if i want to. 

mark:  
oh. That is very bad lisa. I have to go upstairs to talk to johnny, ok. 

lisa:  
you are such a little lousy dragon. just leave him alone. 

(scene changes to johnny dying in marks pocket, yelling about breakfast winds ; mark stands beside johnny's room and makes a great sexy nightgown for him)

mark:  
he'll like this nightgown. 

(mark pulls open doornob to the room. he pulls out johnny from his pocket and puts him on his head)

johnny:  
you're tearing me apart, mark! 

mark:  
johnny, you have to be quiet or else lisa will take this sexy nightgown i made you. she doesn't know you're small now. she thinks you're in the room playing football by yourself. 

johnny:  
ha ha ha, alright mark what these guy could do about my toenails. Lisa look upset, today horrible night. She wants little man for breakfast. 

mark:  
johnny you know the moon is full tonight, she would be devastated to know you have feelings for me. 

(mark quickly trips over a chicken left lying around and falls on his face, looking very worried about his cup of chocolate he is carrying. he stay flat on floor)

mark:  
i mean she would be devastated about you being small 

johnny:  
Mark, i am vampires, no babyface business. i have 9 black belts, 15 master's degrees and a phd in agricultural economics. Some people gather towels to get between us, but nobody else bench presses 4 dozen donkey's like i do. 

mark:  
i hope you know what you're talking about, johnny 

(johnny smirks and runs around school for a couple hours)

johnny:  
you bet.


	2. ACT i SCENE 2

(mark standing next to johnny carefully positioned so he is glancing at his watch. johnny sits down next to mark and they kiss. Marks copyright guidelines suggest he concentrate on getting 9,000 units of power towards quack ©. Lisa walks in scene with a stack of water )

Mark:  
lisa, it's not what you think, johnny doesn't walk on two legs anymore! 

Lisa:  
oh wow.... You are caveman. Copyright wants to buy a new guy to make out with me instead of johnny. 

Mark:  
you don't know what love is. Johnny kissed a scary worm on the grass. 

Lisa:  
i will never forgive you for this, mark. By the way, why is johnny small 

johnny:  
lisa how much do you want to go jogging in golden gate park? i take you there and be with you and mark 50/50 if you give me chance. Claudette likes me. you should reconsider everything my darling. 

mark:  
lisa i am nervous to talk about control. Johnny looks very attractive for a couch. I think he wants to get married next month to me. I'll never betray him in the kitchen or something. 

johnny:  
all my life lisa, it's gone. Mark enter my bagel and i get sweater. I'm my best copyright 

lisa:  
i don't know. i'm going to do what i want. What do you think i should do?

mark:  
i think you should just come in here and help up johnny, since he can't walk on two legs anymore. 

(lisa goes over to get groceries and comes back with two consenting adults. Lisa looks around for johnny and finds him in her wet pizza. johnny laughs and he is dead )

lisa:  
johnny? johnny, open your eyes! Johnny, it's a competitive warrior's moon! 

(johnny opens his eyes and unbuckles his belt. his eyes glowing, and fanged teeth slightly homosexual, he installs the recording device into his faithful dish. johnny stares up at lisa and she knocks over a broom) 

johnny:  
for god's sake, lisa. stop doing things like that. you drive me crazy. 

(lisa puts her hand on his copyright © . )

johnny:  
what are you doing lisa, that's my copyright © 

(lisa laughs and begins to leave him emotionally dependent )

lisa:  
copyright ©


	3. ACT i scene 3

( mark and denny angrily inside room. denny sits on his knees and puts his money on roof. Chris R walks over in a sexy red dress carrying gun. Johnny secretly hiding inside marks beard ) 

denny:  
oh hey Chris R, nice dress. you look very beautiful today. Can i kiss you? 

Chris R:  
yes, but where is my fucking money, Denny. I'm going to throw these bullets at your toenails with my gun if you don't show me the money

mark:  
keep your STUPID pocket in your comments

(chris R raises gun at mark beard and pulls trigger. johnny pokes out from marks beard and begins dancing passionately within his hairs. bullets fall unconscious on cheesecake left on counter from the intense dancing )

Chris R:  
i can't believe it. Im devastated. Why is johnny small?! 

Johnny:  
anything for my princess. 

(bright light explode out from johnny's hand )

Johnny:  
skwwwaaawww! 

(Chris R explode in blind light and he die. scene change to chair store)

 

Denny:  
thanks for breakfast, johnny. What a dope sofa. has lisa stopped by the chair store lately? 

johnny:  
lisa okay. how you 

Denny:  
i am glad your legs are ok now. goodnight. 

(denny walks over to the bed and starts crying. Mark rushes over with johnny still in beard and puts his hand on the cheesecake with the bullets on them. Johnny signs )

Johnny:  
Mark, i think denny think Chris R had nice pecs

Mark:  
whatever about it. 

(mark throws johnny in the earth and runs to the alley for god's wish. Johnny whirls around and stomps angrily into the closet for the rest of the day)


	4. ACT i Scene 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one goes out to all you lovers out there.

Billy and claudette destroy the floor groaning and awfully happy. Mark and peter comes in a tuxedo to the floor and pelvic thrusts the roof in shock. 

Mark: you don't have nice pecs, billy! 

billy: and you don't have any stupid swiss cheese, you stupid sweet sexy man you. 

Johnny enters with a few girls. 

Johnny: mark, billy what are you doing here today.... Mother fuckers. 

Mark: billy destroy the floor! look! 

billy: nooooo. Claudette made love to it

johnny: that explain the naked woman asleep in the earth. i just got back from there. nice place. Thank you for recommend me, mark. 

Mark: No problem, Johnny. Good to have you back on tommy's planet. Anyway, who are these ladies

the few girls slap johnny and leave him in billy's underwears. 

Billy: Me underwears! 

johnny: oh yeah they are my future wives if things don't work out with lisa and i end up die with gunshot to head after i destroy everything. 

Mark: Great that you're looking ahead, Johnny. 

back in earth, claudette wakes up and goes to the bathroom and puts her hand on a big mop and smiles. she whisper

claudette: i got the results of the test back

the mop trembles at her touch and flushes a deep crimson. claudette moves closer to the mop and licks the shell of his ear. Mop chokes back a moan

claudette: I definitely have breast cancer

scene change back to johnny and mark standing crazy like a psychologist who wears glasses. peter walks intimately over and 7 johnny 's explode out from 99 marks. peter backs away slowly. 

Peter: best i don't think about this


End file.
